Grave Encounters: St. Mary’s Cemetery

And Mary cried for me, so I told her not to.

Yesterday I was hanging on a loose thread. I was actually writing a goodbye post to ‘Save That Shit’ when I passed out from all the meds vs. alco mix. I know it’s the last thing I should be doing but I guess I was just trying to make it through the day, somewhere deep down, maybe. Of course, I got it with the initial thought of ending everything cause sometimes I simply don’t see the point/reason to stay here any longer. And it’s not even sad or whatever anymore, it’s just  – nothing. Of course, until IT hits you. It might be weird to most, but today I realized that living human beings actually make me feel more lonely and empty than the loneliness or solitude itself. 

Today I woke up with an enormous desire to go out, stay outside forever and visit one of my favourite local cemeteries. In fact, the energy in this place is so fucked up that I don’t even give a fuck if I have the keys with me when I’m leaving, lol. I mean, I’ve been through hunger and had to sleep in the park before, what can really scare me anymore? So I just took my notepad, phones and some cash with me and dived into the beauty of the source. I completely forgot about the negative aspects of my situation, turned on some of my favourite bands to vibe to (the weather was very British so I thought HIM would be a perfect fit + I was on my way to the Cemetery, I mean It doesn’t get more Nycto than that haha) It has to be the best several hours of this week so far. The closer I was getting, the better It felt. The loneliness was leaving me every step of the way. My head was getting clearer, my soul was getting the nutrients it needed so badly and I eventually started to smile. I was finally feeling like ME again. In touch with myself, the spirits and most important – the SOURCE. The freedom and inspiration that took over me charged me so much that I would’ve probably visited all the Cemeteries around but I needed to get something to eat at last so I ended up with the heaviest backpack full of food and water on my way back and obviously, there was a reason why instead of wandering around the circumstances were such that I made my way towards here, and even when I decided to pop into another shop for some more water just before coming back to kill some more time. I’ll get into that in a bit.

When we take care of spirits, they take care of us.

I was walking around, snapping some pictures when I stumbled upon the lady Clara Eliza. There was something very calming and beautiful about her energy. The light was hitting surroundings from beyond the grave. Although I was at peace immediately after I’ve stepped into the Cemetery, but it was the first time I’ve actually encountered her despite the numerous amounts of times I’ve visited this place before and once it happened it almost felt like I wasn’t alone there anymore. She reminded me of one of the graves of someone I don’t know but would always stop by whenever I was visiting my grandpa as a child and later both of my grandparents. There are many random things I’m drawn to spiritually that are yet to be explained and figuring them all out is one of the most exciting parts of this journey. Going back to St. Mary’s Cemetery, the things were only getting more fulfilling and exciting. I’ve walked around the entire thing until my iPhone’s memory was completely full and I wasn’t able to take any more pictures. I’ve spent some more time just sucking up the calming energies/meditating and slowly made my way back. When I was next to the house I saw someone and I thought I’ll wait until they’ll be done and gone since I’m sick of being the only outlet for negative energy/scapegoat of the shithole and I’m not going to interact and deal with anyone anymore I have no business with while packing my shit and leaving (Nobody ever comes knocking on this fucked up door with any positive intentions unless it’s my DHL driver or the Missioners lol. Neighbours always had problems with our reckless landlord who couldn’t care less if this place will rot and since everything here is broken the postman and whoever is trying to reach the flat is constantly giving me shit whenever I open the door for having difficulties or ignoring the knocks. Of course, I’m the only one who ever opens it since I’m expecting the deliveries very often and everyone learned not to touch the door when someone’s knocking since there’s 99% it’s gonna be someone complaining about something etc. Endless cycle of bullshit.) So yeah, I made my way to another shop to get some extra stuff and more water. It was more of an excuse to kill some time. When I got back, the person was finally gone but something else that switch up the game completely was present. I can’t describe how amazing it felt, experiencing it and knowing that everything’s finally falling into place. I won’t get into the details too much but for all I know is that delusional Chezch Humpty fucking Dumpty, as well as anyone who will ever try to get in my way, is fucking done, the source willing. There are so many years of shit you can put someone through before IT will start putting all the tools into the hands of the one you are harming, to say the least. I keep forgetting what I am for I’m constantly being surrounded by generic vultures, thankfully IT always finds IT’S way to me. As soon as IT hit me, I thought about something that literally put every single second of the day, as well as every moment of experience the shit talking – toxic energy spreading bomb of combicorm have put me through into perspective. The joy replaced the misery and the peace took over. It’s easy to destroy someone who’s smaller than you, decade or more younger than you, less privileged all that ‘normal human’ bullshit wise than you and completely alone. But how can you battle something, when you don’t even know what it is?

BabyBeth
missneeshabeth@gmail.com
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