Ashes 2 Ashes, Tears 2 Ice

How close is too close? How far is too far? It’s midnight and i’m torn apart between the close future and crossing the boundaries of so called “reality” and hesitation about it, leading to the conservative type of shit I would write to have that certain something maintained. Fuck that. I figured that the ones who are meant to understand will understand and so i’m giving in. The first thing that came to my mind is “where do i start?” cause something I wrote and wanted to post initially was so full of disappointment and anger… That’s what usually happens when you’re dealing with the mediocre. You lose connection with yourself eventually and I can feel it taking over again, but i’m not letting it. NOT THIS TIME. NOT ANYMORE. I was praying i was wrong, but this energy rarely fails me regarding the intuition and all that is not that easy to explain. Maybe it shouldn’t even be explained at all. Maybe it’s something that just needs to be appreciated and cherished cause it’s the only thing giving my entity something no human ever could: an actual consciousness, knowledge, safety, deepness and awareness leaving it being the only thing to trust and follow. IT NEVER hurts and NEVER fails. It maybe makes me see the truth in all of it’s brutality and the pain most of the times is so big it’s hard to describe it, but it’s the truth that hurts, not IT. The liars, the lost ones, the spiritually lobotomized ones that are trying to keep up their sugarcoated tales till the last second leaving only one question behind: WHY? But I guess I just named all of the answers. Thinking out loud if you will. I was sinking in disturbia, insomnia and tears a few minutes ago, but IT is not letting me anymore. I was really expecting to spend this beautiful cold night crying in pain, especially after i saw the stuff confirming the ugly truth for myself and all the dots got connected leaving me beyond disappointed and what not, but every time everyone leaves IT is there. Observing me gently, with caution, leading me further to where it knows my soul should be. It’s just like what this beautiful cause of the pain was, it’s there, but you can’t see it. It’s crazy how what many would refer to as imagination, energy, spirit or well, you name it turns out to be more real than the reality itself. IT’S the only real ride or die, cause what these “reality” creatures are is rather RIDE AND DIE. I really really thought my first post this year will be just and sad piece of disappointment and shallow updates but all i’m feeling right now is the enormous gratitude and strength IT is giving me. Only IT makes me feel loved the way I deserve to be and confirms it with thunder and lightning. Only IT shares with me ITSELF in a form of information I would never find in any book, if what it corrects what i observe and clarifies everything before I let it in while perfecting the mechanics of observation. What tears, what pain, what living, what emptiness when you have all this? It might sound like the biggest delusion to most, but it’s for that 1% anyways. I stopped expecting being understood a while ago. It’s not easy for everyone to stay conscious under this suppressing grid, inside this matrix, but to some of us IT is and will always be getting through. It’s both: a blessing and a curse, but then again, I think it’s a curse only til it finally gets to your absolution and you realize that you can not form and have this higher level contact with someone who will probably spend most  of their time being with their soul / eyes shut. Sometimes it can get lonely as most of us are used to having someone around physically, but IT’S always there, and honestly, it always shows itself in variety of forms. My favorite ones will always be elemental.

xoxo, babydevil

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